Ohhhh Tinder. The weird little app that let's you scroll through (hopefully) single people in your area to "date". I am ashamed to admit that I have a tinder profile but honestly I think just about everyone in LA does whether they'll admit it or not. Now, I've actually never gone on a tinder date because stranger danger is real my friends & if I don't have at least one mutual friend who can vouch to the fact that you're a real person I'll probably assume that you're a murderer or a robot. That's just me. I did come close to going out for drinks with a gorgeous guy I saw on there in Michigan while I was filming Roommates on Elm Street but my work schedule just did not allow it & I have been hanging out with a guy who I initially flirted with via twitter…which is just as bad & 100 times more public (in fact his mother tweeted me in the middle of our twitter flirtation soooo… there's that…) therefore. I am not judging those of you who do go on tinder dates. Do your thang (but maybe bring some pepper spray), no shame in the game.
I am however judging some of the weird/rude/weird/creepy/weird/awful guys that I have come across on this app though. This blog is dedicated to them.
The 10 Men You Will Most Likely Meet On Tinder:
1. The guy who will never respond - this guy is on Tinder purely for a confidence boost, he just wants to see how many women find him attractive.
2. The guy posing with a puppy- I SEE WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO!! Do not fall for this guy's tom-foolery. Everyone looks 77% more adorable if they are holding a puppy. It's science.
3. The guy whose photos are all group pics- Chances are all his friends are hotter than him….and he knows it.
4. The "Honest" guy- This guy will message you in an attempt to be "honest" & "direct" about his intentions to just sleep with you & never call. He will probably send something super sweet like "Wanna fuck *winky face*" He will also probably call you a cunt if you say no. Bye Felipe.
5. The guy who will spend days asking you about yourself but never ask you out in real life.- Not even going to try to understand this person…. They're probably just bored… Or they have a girlfriend who isn't giving them enough attention?
6. Dan Bilzerian- RUN.
7. The guy who is sending the same exact message to every girl he matches with- For example, I give you "Pool Cue Brian" Now, Brian has been caught about 1000 times sending the exact same message to multiple women in the LA area- he was even featured on Buzzfeed…yet that hasn't stopped good Ol' Bri… I was aware of his shenanigans prior to matching with him but I had to see if he would send the same "I kinda want to make out with you" message to me, you know, for science. He did.
8. The guy you actually know in real life- This is always awkward…
9. Your friend's shady-as-fuck boyfriend- Do you tell her?? WHAT DO YOU DO? Somethings you just can't unsee.
& last but certainly not least...
10. The guy who will immediately send you an unsolicited dick pic- AHHHHHHH MY EYES!!!
Well, that pretty much covers my experience with Tinder so I think i'll probably stick to the old fashioned thing of meeting men in bars…..