Maybe I have watched one to many episodes of How I Met Your Mother & am channeling the lady version of Barney Stinson or MAYBE I'm just really sick and tired of women not having each others backs. We get enough shit from the media and from men- so if women don't have each others backs...who will?
I CONSTANTLY hear men referencing the "bro code" as a valid reason for not ratting out their bestie for cheating on his girlfriend or not sleeping with a friend's ex, yet we women seem to be much more lax on what the official rules are when it comes to friendship and sisterhood. I have been told by a few of my friends that I "expect to much from people" which I actually find borderline absurd. WHY is it so much to ask that the people who claim to be my friends actually ACT like friends? If you don't actually like me- don't pretend that you do, I really won't care, I'd rather know that the people in my life actually care. I want to know that I can call you drunk at 2 am crying because my cat looks sad and you say "you sound like a cray bitch but what do you need girl, I am HERE FOR YOU." The end, period, sayonara. Don't get me wrong, I am always open to making new friends- but fake, man-stealing-crazies need not apply.
So here is part one of what will probably turn into an on-going blog about my personal GIRL CODE.
Girl Code Rule #1.
Though shalt not sleep with your friend's man.
^^ This applies to husbands, boyfriends, current hook-ups, and people your FRIEND still holds a place in their heart for. It's CRUEL, gross, and wrong on so many levels.
Girl Code Rule #2.
If you find out that you have been a part of something unsavory (i.e. you slept with someone who has a wife or girlfriend and were blissfully unaware)- TELL the woman.
This is a tricky one, chances are the wife or girlfriend will lash out at YOU, it's probably going to suck. BUT at least you're giving her the truth- if she stays with a cheater that's her choice, but she should at least be given the CHOICE.
Girl Code Rule #3.
Do not go out with someone your friend has feelings for.
This has happened to me quite a few times- you go out in a group with a new guy you're crushing on & everyone exchanges numbers welcoming the newcomer to the group and then you see on instagram that your "friend" is out for drinks alone with the guy you brought out last weekend. NO LADIES. NO. Even if you have inside knowledge that this guy isn't digging your friend, you know that SHE is digging HIM. So unless you've had a prior conversation where she has told you she's SO OVER IT & gave you the green light- you are in the wrong. THIS ACTUALLY MIND BOGGLES ME! Like... who wakes up and goes "OH hey, that guy Laura hooked up with last weekend seemed really chill, I wonder what he is doing tonight?" No honey, no.
Girl Code Rule #4.
Don't talk about how great you are in bed in front of someone else's man.
Girl's with significant others don't want their boyfriend or husband hearing about what position you tried last week. Shameless.
Girl Code Rule #5.
Google someone before going on a date with them.
This is 2014, with one click of a button you can find out if someone is married or has a whole nother family in Antarctica. Do this to avoid breaking rules 1 & 2. Most people will have an internet presence, no matter how small. & if they don't...well....you might not want to go out with them anyway cause they're probably a conspiracy theorist or a serial killer.
Girl Code Rule #6.
Don't slut shame.
If someone is not breaking any of the above rules, don't give them a hard time about enjoying a healthy sex life. It's ok to sleep with a guy on the first date to see if there's even chemistry, it's also ok not to. Live your sexual truth yo. & do whatever feels right.
Girl Code Rule # 7.
Don't call other girls crazy.
Would you like it if someone called you that? People get emotional in situations of the heart. They are not crazy, they are upset, their feelings are valid even if you don't agree with them. So have some sympathy. Life is a lot easier with a shoulder to lean on.
Girl Code Rule #8.
Take your bestie's side even when she's wrong.
Oh, your best friend just threw a shoe at her boyfriend when they got home because he flirted with another girl at the bar? You know she is acting CRAY- but she is YOUR girl, so you take HER side. I'll never forget the time my sister got drunk in a bar with a girl that was flirting with my very married brother, I tried to diffuse the situation but then then girl spilled a drink on my sister on purpose & it was all "OH HELL NO!"...I knew my sister started it but YOU DON'T TOUCH MY SISTER or my friends. Haha (I'm not really this ghetto I promise)
Girl Code Rule #9.
Don't flirt with a guy who is clearly out WITH another girl.
Dude, I get it. It is TOUGH to find love in LA, but if you see some hot guy at the bar who clearly walked in with a girl on his arm, leave them alone. Even if he flirts with you, even if it's their first date. Unless you truly believe that this is the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with- back the fuck off & give girl #1 a fighting chance, she saw him first.
Ok that's all I got for now y'all cause I could go on all night & I gotta get my ass to art walk to check out some local artists and drink some wine with some people who have managed to follow all these rules & earn a solid place in my heart.
I will definitely post some more of these as they come to me but feel free to leave some of your absolute friendship deal breakers in the comments below!