Coachella. To some, it is merely a music festival, but to us Los Angelians Coachella is an entire season and a way of life... What is Spring?- oh you mean COACHELLA season? Gotcha. Starting in February boutiques begin to have signs that say "Coachella fashion here", it's all anyone is talking about on social media & everyone is planning their staying arrangements, outfits, and making sure their names are on all the lists for all the pre and after parties. 

Anyone who was hating on the mass amounts of Coachella posts or bitching about how annoying all of us fake-hippies are- are in fact HATERS. Yes I know this isn't Woodstock, no I don't enjoy camping, I'm not really all about free love, swinging, or dropping acid- but for 4 days out of the year it is socially acceptable to DRESS like I do- so get out of here with your negative vibes & let me enjoy my fake-hippie-lifestyle.

 2 days before the festival, I could not find a ticket, weekend one tickets were going for about $900 on craigslist and frankly- bitches be trippin. THANKFULLY As luck would have it, I managed to score one at face value ($375) because a friend of mind is a kind soul who wasn't trying to make a quick buck off of my desperation to go. People like her rock. 

Once I scored the ticket I was also lucky that a friend had some extra room in the house they booked, all I had to do was bring an air mattress which again as LUCK would have it, I own. The festivals gods were obviously on my side last week. 

So on Thursday after work with very little idea of what to expect I hopped in the car with my friend Lindsay and we made our way to Palm Desert, the rest of the story that follows is 100% true and 100% BAT SHIT CRAZY- I apologize for all name-dropping in advance.... actually, no I don't... this is my diary- live your truth.

Alright here goes.

Night one (Thursday)- the night consisted of meeting our fellow house mates, drinking moonshine, swimming in our pool, and dancing around like idiots. Some of us were from LA, other from Seattle, and a few from Austin. We were all anxiously awaiting the days that followed.

Day 2 (Friday)- First thought of the morning "Fuck, maybe drinking last night was a bad idea." then followed by "Holy shit I smell bacon, I can probably rally and wake up now." - We feasted on eggs bacon, bagels, and mimosas, and put on our fake-hippie gear and we were ready to go! 

We got to the festival around 3:00 PM- Lesson 1 for all you weekend 2 people: Don't go that early. My God was it hot, i mean HOT, and the entrance is about 2 miles from the closest place you can get dropped off at, but once we ended the miserable walk it was straight to a beer garden... we opted for the indoor beer garden with the air conditioning, it was clearly the only rational choice. We danced, we drank, and we got ready for the epic shows to follow! Later we made it over to the main stage to see Ellie Goulding who rocked it, then over to Zedd where my friend Greg and I made it to the front row, and finally Outkast who made history with their performance! By the time we got home it was 2 am, and to be honest an after party was just out of the question- we were knackered.

Day 3. (Saturday)- By Saturday we had learned our lesson, go to the festival later. So we found ourselves at the Bootsy Bellows/Chevrolet/Mcdonalds Mansion (Estate?...Compound?...biggest house I've ever seen?) Pool party. There were Corvette Stingrays racing down the street and taking people for rides, complimentary Mcdonalds french fries, snack wraps, and smoothies being passed around as well as a fully stocked open bar. Everyone was having a great time, Juicy J performed, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lance Bass, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson, Shay Mitchell, Joe Jonas, Audrina Patridge, and Aaron Paul all made an appearance, and I had the pleasure of meeting the beautiful Kendall Jenner. There was a free fall jump onto a blob, a flower crown making station, photo booths, and so much more. People will be talking about that party for YEARS to come, I know I will. Markus Molinari really knows how to throw a party.

We then headed to the festival as the sun was starting to go down around 6 PM and by using some of my resourcefulness I managed to get a VIP upgrade and spent the festival in the midst of Kylie Jenner, Jared Leto, Kellan Lutz, and many more- and of course my beautiful entertainment reporter friends Adrienne and Lindsay- without whom my little upgrade would not have happened. 

After the festival I met up some other friends and we made our way to Neon Carnival- which is arguably the highest security after party of Coachella. How Lindsay pulled off getting us on the list is beyond me- but I am very thankful. We rode some ferris wheels, played some carnival games, danced with the likes of Kelly Osbourne, ran into P Diddy, practically ran face first into Steven Tyler in the bathroom line... WHAT IS THIS LIFE?!?! You get pretty used to the occasional celebrity sighting living in LA but when it's all of them in one place it's a bit much.

We rolled into bed at about 5 am already dreaming of tomorrow.

Day 4 (Sunday)- I opted to sell my wristband to the festival on Sunday, a decision I have mixed feelings about. Albeit, Lindsay had to go back to LA & my other friends didn't have tickets- I could have met up with some other people I knew that were attending, but I figured that the shows I saw throughout the weekend were enough. I'm pretty bummed I missed Drake's surprise show, but you win some you lose some I guess. 

We did make our way to the GUESS jeans hotel pool party in Palm Springs followed by the LED pool party at the Hard Rock Hotel with a performance by David Guetta! So all was not completely lost.

After a nap, a bath, and a veggie burger we somehow found ourselves ready to attend an after party for our last night in the Coachella Valley. I have absolutely no idea how the festival gods pulled this one off but we ended up at a house (giant mansion) super in the mountains, again celeb sightings everywhere...sensory overload at this point. We had briefly overheard Jared Leto saying that he lost his phone and less than 20 minutes later we found a gold iPhone 5 in the bathroom, it was out of battery but my friend Stephanie looked at me and goes "how much you want to bet this is Jared Leto's phone." UM.... DID WE JUST FIND JARED LETO'S PHONE?!?! I walked up to a security guard and politely asked "This might be an odd question but do you happen to know where Jared Leto went, I'm pretty sure my friend just found his phone in the bathroom"- OUT OF NOWHERE Lindsay Lohan grabs my arm and goes "You have his phone?!"- I reply "No my friend Stephanie has it she's right over here".... We walk over to Stephanie and Lindsay says aloud "Give me the phone I'll give it to him" & Steph, a little tipsy and not recognizing Lohan goes "I'd really like to return it to him myself because I'd really love to meet him", I laughed, Ohhhhh Stephanie you precious sweet brave girl. Lohan paused, then motioned to her body guard "Will you walk us down to Jared?"- Wow...did that actually just work?.... So the guard grabs Stephanie and I and escorts us to Jared. As it turns out, it wasn't his phone so we just turned it into security, but Jared was cool had a little laugh at the situation. I hope he found his phone!!

Later into the night I also lent Paris Hilton's crew my phone charger and spoke with her a little, she was a lot nicer than I thought she would be- in fact she was probably one of the nicest people I met all weekend.  Also in attendance were Kellan Lutz and Alessandra Ambrosio. We stayed at the party until the sun came up and shared a random limo home with some friends we made along the way.

Day 5: (Monday)- Traffic-Chella. It took us 5 hours to go 100 miles back to LA, because that is a completely reasonable amount of time right?? Not. If you ever make it to Coachella stay until Tuesday, or leave on Sunday night- because traffic-chella was not so great.

So that was my epic first Coachella experience! I'll leave you weekend 2 people with some tips that may or may not just save your life!

  • Bring a case of water for each person. Or more.
  • Pedialtye is your friend
  • Coconut water is also your friend
  • Do not forget to eat food, it's east to get wrapped up in activities and find yourself starving after 10 hours without food.
  • SUNSCREEN. SUNSCREEN. SUNSCREEN- Ain't nobody got time for wrinkles & sunburns.
  • Baby wipes will cool you off when you're super hot.
  • Bring hand sanitizer- the bathrooms WILL run out of it. I mean, unless you enjoy being basically raped by germs.
  • Tissues are a good idea, again- the bathrooms run out of stuff.
  • Uber promo codes to avoid surge pricing DO exist. Don't let them tell you they don't.
  • Mentally prepare yourself for traffic and driving about 30-40 minutes to get everywhere.
  • Get yourself on the list for the parties you want to go to in advance.
  • Bring a sweater or flannel in your backpack for after the sun goes down.
  • Invest in a backpack, at least for the festival.
  • If you'd like to squeeze up to the front of a show- don't be an asshole- politely LIE to people and say “Hey, I am really sorry my friend is right up there and I need to find them” no one will know who you're pointing at, they'll move out of the way, and now you're front row center for ZEDD with flowers in your hair and not a care in the world. Boom.

Alright boo thangs, Peace, Love, & Coconut water. I'm out. 

* Disclaimer- not all photos are mine, many are to the credit of  Marcos Daniel Ferreira, TheCobraSnake, or were found on google.